It is never easy to write a good essay, because it always takes you a lot of time to check the essay in order to improving it. For my revise draft of the analysis essay, I completed about 60% of the essay. I still need to work on the analysis part about the movie The Judge, as well as the comparison between the novel Me And You and The Judge.
In addition to fixing the grammar mistakes in the revise draft, I changed many other things. Firstly, I looked over my introduction again and again. Then, I make some corrections in the sentences, which let them more clearly and fluently to others. Moreover, I even changed my thesis statement in to "The power of love is always the strongest that can not be broken." It is shorter and clearer comparing to the last thesis statement. I did not delete my old thesis statement, I left it in the introduction which I think it provides refined summaries about both the movie and the novel. Secondly, I read about ,my body paragraphs carefully. I fix some grammar mistakes as well as those mistakes that Min told me in his feed back, which was really helpful to me. Because my main purpose of the revising was to write more analyses in the essay, I deleted a lot of boring summary sentences and added analysis sentences into the paragraph. Also, because of I had a new thesis statement which is easy to make connections, I can write some analysis which related to the thesis statement. Thirdly, I broke a long paragraph into two small paragraph. In this way, the essay can be more tidy and easier to understand. Furthermore, I add the topic sentences to every paragraphs as well as ending sentences. At last, I made a transition paragraph to begin writing the analysis about the Movie The Judge.
Even though I did a lot of works in this revised draft, there are many other things I need to work on. Most importantly, my grammar. Grammar is always my problem in writing an essay, I think I need more time to check my sentences carefully. Also, I think my new thesis statement is still too weak and I can make some changes in it. On the other hand, I think it is also important for me to finish the essay. Because when I finish the essay, I can know better about the connections between my body paragraphs and the thesis statement. Then I can change the thesis statement into a stronger and more relative to the essay.
The grammar mistakes and lack of analysis sentences in my essay are my weakness which I need to spend more time on them. On the other hand, I completed half of the essay which give me less pressure about it; also, I felt much better about the analysis in the revise draft; lastly, Min helped me check many of the grammar mistakes that helps the essay more neat. Those are the strengths of the essay. It was very difficult for me to write more analysis sentences than summary sentences. It is very easy for me to write the summaries, and I think I found some good quotes in the novel. In the revise draft, I changed a lot of sentences into analysis sentence, this is my biggest improvement in the essay so far.
In conclusion, I feel this will be a very good essay. Also, I still need to make more analysis in the essay.
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